Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A Kiss is Just a Kiss: The Etiquette of Stage Kisses

Okay, man, she was breathing earlier.  Thanks for checking.

Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but, I suppose at this time in my life, I have had my dignity surgically removed.  I had my first stage kiss long before I had my first "real" kiss.  Sigh.  It's true.  I'm not kidding.

Now, before I continue, I want to assure you I have since kissed a whole bunch in my life, and there is no need to feel sad about what I just shared with you.  Okay, let me try to explain--- I have kissed a whole bunch, but I haven't kissed a whole bunch of people, it's just the people I've been on kissing terms with happened to kiss me a great deal.  Don't get the wrong idea. 

In fact, I have actually kissed more different people on stage than I have in real life. 

Great, now you're feeling sorry for me again.  Double sigh. 

Yes, on the beautiful stage, I have kissed a wide variety of actresses from the time I was a freshman in high school all the way through to the second-to-last play I was in (which was the musical Sugar at Lakewood Theater a few summers ago).  It truly got to a point where pretty much every play I was in required kissing, and, thus, became no big deal to me whatsoever.  By now, it is just another thing to be worked out, like everything else in a play. 

I bring this up now because my father, who has directed middle school and high school drama for years, is having trouble at present with a kissing scene for a play he is directing.  That play just so happens to be a play I wrote called My Prom Date Was a Felon, which, in my opinion, is a pretty sweet and funny romantic comedy for high school students.  Apparently, right now, there is a girl in his play who is uncomfortable about kissing the boy she is playing opposite because she's afraid her real-life boyfriend will be upset about it. 

Ah.  I've been there.  Directing high school drama is rough, kissing or no.  However, I will say that right now I'm entirely relieved that by some cosmic accident, I am putting on three one-act plays that have absolutely zero kissing in them.  I didn't do this on purpose, it just happened, and it does decrease my stress at the moment. 

Let's face it--- dealing with stage kisses for high school and community theater can be difficult.  I can't tell you how many musicals I've seen where the handsome leading man will just finish singing their passionate declaration of love and then take the woman of his affections in his arms (with a good space between them) and proceed to give them a kiss that looks like the ones he was forced to give his Auntie Grizelda at family functions when he was a kid.  And sadly, though I understand where this comes from, such a kiss does burst an illusion and take the audience out of the story, however slightly and temporarily.

My first stage kiss was nerve-wracking for me, no doubt about it.  I was a freshman in high school, and we were pretty much left to our own devices to figure it out.  Fortunately, she was my friend, and it wasn't that big of a deal.  Since then, as I said, I have kissed a lot of girls onstage (and a few boys--- college), and it really is no big deal, while, at the same time, kind of being a big deal.  However, I can honestly say that initial feelings of awkwardness have gone down in a big way over the years--- nowadays, when I have to kiss someone for a play or musical, I'm usually opposite someone who has had a great deal of experience and probably their fair share of stage kisses as well. 

A few fun stage kiss stories from my past----  When I was in my first college production, Judith (see my most embarrassing story from a few days ago), when it came time to rehearse the kissing, Vic, our director, instead of giving us mints or anything like that, gave us both sour cream and onion potato chips before we commenced our kissing.  This was smart--- you never know how many mints it will take to make a person's breath presentable, but if you are both aware that your breath reeks of sour cream and onion, it makes it a lot easier to relax and not worry about offending your partner. 

Second story:  this one actually represents the last time I felt awkward about a stage kiss.... I was performing in a play called Stand By Your Man:  The Tammy Wynette Story, and I was playing Tammy's first husband, Euple.  The woman playing Tammy was named Lisa, who I had been in several plays with, and, had actually had a stage kiss or two with her.  In this production, Lisa's daughter Brittany was playing Young Tammy, who was actually the one I was playing opposite during the wedding scene, and had to kiss.  Britanny is a great girl, and I immediately took a liking to her during the rehearsal process of the play--- as my little sister.  It was very weird stage-kissing her in that regard, and it didn't help that I had stage-kissed her mom in productions past.  A little strange.  (Just to make sure no one is too freaked out, Brittany was 17 at the time, and it was really just a little peck at the wedding). 

I know exactly what my dad wants to tell his student he's having the difficulty with right now.  I know, because I have said the same thing to students:   "It's not you doing the kissing.  It's your character."  This is a fundamental truth, and, with many people in school or community theater, this is enough.  Because it is true.  Stage kisses only mean something in the context of the play, or, if the actors have crushes on each other in real life (but the crush has to be mutual in order for the stage kiss to mean anything). 

The problem, though, for some people, is that they can understand this theory, but they have an argument that is somewhat valid--- it might be the character who is kissing, but they are borrowing my lips to do it. 

So how to make it work?  It's not easy, but here are some things I've learned over the years:

1.  Make sure that for school and community theater that it is made perfectly clear at auditions that there are characters who will be engaging in stage kissing.  Have it right on the audition form:  "Are you willing to participate in a stage kiss, check yes or no".  Now, of course, people who want a part are going to check yes sometimes, even if they are uncomfortable, but not all will. 

2.  Work it into the rehearsal process as soon as possible.  This may be different from a lot of people's thoughts on the subject, but I believe it.  Yes, you should wait until the first few have gone by, let people get to know each other somewhat, but I think it's perfect to start with the kissing as soon as you start blocking the play.  Why?  I'll tell you....

3.  Stage kisses should be choreographed like any piece of blocking or any other activity on stage.  As a director, BE SPECIFIC, especially early on.  Tell them "this is a lover's kiss with passion that should last five to six seconds after your lips meet.... Pete, put your left hand up on her cheek, and stroke her hair with your right hand, Susan, place your arms around his shoulders and squeeze".... etc.  The more you are giving specific directions, the more that the actors feel like they are not in any way taking any kind of liberties with their partner.

4.  Before you block, even, it might be a good idea to sit with each actor individually, and then with them together, discuss the kiss, talk about what people are comfortable with, and how you want the kisses to serve the play, i.e., that the kiss is not gratuitous and that it is important to the story. 

5.  Sometimes, especially in large cast plays, it is good to rehearse a stage-kiss with just you and the actors alone first.  It can make it much more difficult for some people to have everyone gawking at them when they are doing something that, ideally, should be kind of intimate.  Sometimes.  Use your discretion.  I've done it both ways as a director, with varying results.  Most people like being alone first, others feel like doing apart from everyone makes it seem more like a big deal than it should. 

There really is no reason for stage kisses to be uncomfortable.  If you are an actor who knows that you would be uncomfortable with it, however, please, I'm asking you as a director to refrain from auditioning from parts requiring you to have a stage kiss.  No offense.  There are plenty of wonderful non-kissing parts in the theater.  And the last thing a director needs is to be two and a half weeks into rehearsal with a Romeo who keeps his Juliet at arms-lenght and presses his lips tighter than a drum when he sucks the posion off of her lips in the final scene.

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71 comments:

  1. I've known a few actors, who could learn from this blog. They usually have over active tongues. This leaves their partner in an awkward position. My personal thoughtsare a discreet nip will break them of a very bad habit.

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    1. That's true... sadly, there are some actors who abuse stage kisses, and that is obviously very unprofessional and creepy. I like your thought about biting their tongue, but, another thing to do would be to tell your director and/or stage manager immediately. No one should have to feel uncomfortable in a production because of someone else's actions.

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    2. Thanks for this article. Im 17 and just got cast as a character who shares a passionate kiss with a man. I've never had my first kiss and I've been quite nervous.

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    3. Thanks for this article. Im 17 and just got cast as a character who shares a passionate kiss with a man. I've never had my first kiss and I've been quite nervous.

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    4. Thanks! Stage kisses can definitely be nerve-wracking!

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    5. Hello! After I read your intriguing article I could not believe YOU wrote it! Its just that today I got cast as Kira in your play "I Dont Mind That You're Ugly." Im a sophomore in high school and a bit nervous about the stage kiss. I found your article exceeding helpful and was completely baffled that the author of the play I was concerned about gave me this great advice! Thanks again for the hilarious play and the great advice!

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    6. Hi! That's so cool! I hope you're having a great time in my play! I think Kira is a fun, but somewhat difficult part! Congrats!
      If you see this response, and have any questions or comments about the play (or if your director or cast mates have any questions or comments), please feel free to drop me a line at theater.is.a.sport@gmail.com. Also, if you take any production photos and such, I'm always happy to see them!
      Thanks for reading this article, and thanks for being in my play!

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    7. Thank you so much for this article. I just turned 20 in December, and was cast in my first-ever role that has onstage kissing. I'm super nervous about it, but that guy I'm acting opposite of is super cool about it. I have anxiety, though, which is the problem, so I get worked up over things that should just be so simple.

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    8. Hi Olivia!
      Thank you for reading my blog, and I'm glad you found the information useful! I am also glad that the guy you are acting opposite of is cool about it. That makes things like stage kissing so much easier.
      Thanks again!

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  2. I will definitely be taking this advice to heart. I'm currently actually in play that calls for kissing and stage kissing is completely foreign to me (yes I got through high school drama without stage kissing). I know its a normal part of theatre but its not one I'm used to so I'm taking this as my challenge for the production and learning how to overcome it.

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    1. I hope my advice is helpful!

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    2. Thanks it was very helpful! I've had a lot of roadblocks to overcome with this role but by the time I perform it in three weeks everything should be good!

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  3. I'm with ya. My first stage kiss is coming up.. and I have yet to have a real first kiss. But I'm 13 going on 14, so it's ok.

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    1. Yeah, you've got plenty of time for all that! :-)
      Thanks for reading my blog, and I hope your play went well!

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  4. Thanks for your thoughts and reading my post. Hope you are well!

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  5. I am going through my first stage kiss at the moment. I'm in community theatre and in my 30s. I had to direct my first stage kiss about 2 yrs ago. This post was very helpful, thanks for writing it!
    My approach from both the directing side and acting side has been to choreograph and analyse it, be very clinical. Strip it of emotion for the actor personally and then they can start to act it as the character would.

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    1. Thanks for reading! I'm glad you found it helpful.
      All the best with your first stage kiss!

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  6. Thanks for writing this, it is super helpful. I have a question though. I'm in high school and I'm going to be doing a stage kiss but I wonder, how soon is too soon? The people in my department never seem to start the stage kissing until the week of and I'd rather start ASAP. I just don't want it to look awkward but I don't know how to approach this without it coming off as weird. Should I talk to my director? The guy playing opposite me? Or should I just go for it during blocking/rehearsals? Thanks for your help!

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    1. Hi! Thanks for the question!
      If you know your scene partner pretty well, maybe you can talk with him, and then, as a team, go to the director. If you don't know him well or feel uncomfortable broaching the topic, you can go to the director, and let the director know that you just want to make sure the kiss is worked out well in advance so that it doesn't look awkward. I know it's a weird subject to have to talk about, but I do honestly believe that the sooner the "mechanics" of a stage kiss are worked out, the better. That way, every one is as comfortable as possible, and, hopefully, it will make the scene and onstage relationship all the more believable!
      Thanks for reading, and thanks for the question! If you have any others, feel free to let me know!

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  7. I just saw my first musical, Little Women, put on by a private high school. There were a few kisses, and I wasn't expecting them, so when they came I was really surprised. But they were so realistic, so it was very believable and added to the feel of the plot. I also just finished performing in my first play, Mill Girls (a one-act), and I'm starting to get involved in theatre. This is very useful info, but I hope I won't have to put it to use for a while. :-) (I'm 13, almost 14) I've read a couple of your posts, and they've been really helpful, even if helpful for the future. Thank You!

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    1. Thank you so much! I hope you're enjoying getting involved in theater!

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  8. This blog has really helped me. Honestly, it has. I'm playing Ado Annie the school musical, and there's a stage kiss. Actually, scratch that. There's 7. So I'm freaking out a little bit. But this helped a bunch. Thank you!! :)

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    1. You're welcome!
      By the way, that's a great part! I hope you've had fun with it!

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  9. This article is really good! Still, I have a thing to add. Of course, it's the characters kissing, but if the actor/actress has a partner just think about how this other person would feel. No wonder actors can't make their relationships last long enough, because seeing your love kissing other people makes you just lose feelings for this person...It is so sad, but so true. I was wondering..Can you be actually succesful as an actor/actress in theatre/TV/film without the need to kiss the others? Like, by choosing characters/plays/movies which do not require you to kiss? Can one still be a star? There are so many movies even with the leading roles that do not require kissing...

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    1. Thanks so much for reading the article!
      I definitely agree, that it can be uncomfortable for the actor's spouse or significant other.
      For me, growing up in a theatrical kind of household, stage kissing has never been a big deal. But for people inexperienced with plays and such, and can seem very awkward, or even painful for their spouse. I have generally dated other people in the theatre who know that kissing scenes are just part of the business. I've even directed someone I was dating in a kissing scene!
      To answer your question: it is still possible to act in non-kissing roles. Being a star, at least in America, it might be challenging to find non-kissing parts in films, and, probably romantic comedies are out unless you're a sidekick. I know that there are some famous Bollywood Actresses who will never kiss on screen.
      The truth is, if you don't want to do kissing scenes, that's definitely a choice and should be respected. That's why I always put on audition forms if there is kissing involved in a play I'm directing. It's better to know upfront.
      I would like to believe it would be possible to still get work, even if you didn't want to do kissing scenes.

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  10. Thank you so much for this... I was totally freaking out! Basically, I've been going to a new college since September, with no one I had known previously, and this boy from my drama class has a crush on me, and used to stare at me and make me feel uncomfortable until I asked my head of sixth form to have a word with him. We got told which play we're doing today (Stags and Hens by Willy Russell), and I picked the part of Frances, and only afterwards realised that I have to kiss this boy! I haven't had my first kiss yet and I was getting myself worked up at the fact that it would be with him of all people! I just hope I don't show myself up by being a rubbish kisser, as our class has only nine people, and everyone else seems to be rather... well... let's just say experienced in kissing! Again, thank you, this has calmed me down a bit.

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    1. Thank you for reading my blog! I hope everything goes well for you! It can be a very uncomfortable situation kissing someone (especially who may make you a little uncomfortable), so I do strongly recommend working out the specifics of the kiss with your director! All the best!

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  11. Thanks so much for this article! I'm currently a freshman in high school playing Audrey in Little Shop, and I am super nervous about the big stage kiss with Seymour towards the end of the show! This was really helpful though!

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    1. Thanks for reading it! I actually have kind of a funny story about the big Seymour/Audrey stage kiss in "Little Shop"... I was playing Seymour, and at the end of "Suddenly Seymour", the lady playing Audrey and I got such huge applauses, that our stage kiss lasted a VERY long time. However, in the archival video that was shot for the show, you couldn't hear the applause, so it just looked like we were kissing for an abnormally long amount of time in silence.

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  12. Thanks so much for this! I am in middle school playing Patrice in 13! at a community theater and the kid who plays Evan and I have to kiss. It's definitely a little awkward (especially because his girlfriend is coming to the show!) but everyone was very professional about it and it is so choreographed. This was a very helpful article.

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    1. Thanks so much!
      Choreography and communication is definitely the key to successful stage kisses! I hope your show goes well!

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    2. Thanks so much! I just think it's crazy when adults are too self conscious to kiss onstage and we're 13 years old and being professional about it. Thanks again for the guidance! It's really interesting to read about it from a directors perspective.

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  13. Its so cool that I was researching stage-kissing etiquette and a fellow native Mainer's blog is the first one I see!

    I'm going through my first ever stage kiss (playing Johanna in a production of Sweeney Todd) and I have been incredibly nervous about it.

    Your approach to the subject has put me much more at ease, thank you for your blog!

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    1. Hi Janelle! Thanks so much for reading my blog... it's always nice to know I'm being read by a fellow Mainer!
      Johanna is a great part, and "Sweeney Todd" is a terrific piece. I wish you all the best with it!
      Feel free to drop a note to let me know how it goes!
      Thanks again for reading my blog!

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  14. This really calmed me down. I am also having my first stage kiss in the upcoming musical at my school. Very nervous. Very very very nervous. I haven't had my real first kiss either so this will be interesting, but your blog gave me concrete info, so thank you for that!

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    1. No problem!
      Thanks for reading, and break a leg with your production!

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  15. Thanks a lot for this article! I'm going to be in a production of A Midsummer's Night Dream as Titania with a good friend of mine as Oberon. I want us to kiss right before the line of "Not for thy fairy kingdom", and I was wondering how to go about doing so (he's way more awkward about that sort of thing than I am). This helped a lot, thank you!

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    1. Thanks for reading this article! I'm glad you found it useful!
      Break a leg with your production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream"! It's a great play!

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  16. I just was casted as Roz in my high school play and have to kiss two people. I've never kissed anyone. One guy is like my brother and the other I know but don't know well. I am extremely nervous! EXTREMELY! I dont know what to do or how to calm my mind. Do you have any advice?

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    1. The play is "Moon Over Buffalo"

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    2. Sorry for the lateness in my reply! If it's too late, I hope you got through it okay! MOB is such a funny play.

      I would recommend approaching your fellow actors and all three of you talking to the director about what exactly he/she wants from the stage kiss. That way, you are all on the same page, and no one feels like they are offending anybody.
      It can be very awkward, but, trust me, I'm sure the two fellas are just as nervous as you are, or, at least, somewhat nervous. It's best to be open, and try to talk about it honestly. Hopefully, at some point, you can even joke about it with them.
      Thanks for reading my blog!

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  17. Do you believe it is appropriate for a female director, age 46, to demonstrate the kiss with each of the 14yo kids involved in the stage kiss as a way of normalizing the stage kiss? This is a serious question, btw!

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    1. Hi. Sorry for the lateness in my reply. Thank you for reading my blog!
      I think it is conceivable, especially without parent permission, that this could perhaps raise eyebrows... I think it might be more appropriate to find a friend or spouse, perhaps, to come in and demonstrate what you are looking for with you. I know that, when I was teaching high school, I would have been in a great deal of trouble, and made my students uncomfortable had I tried this approach (I am a male in my thirties). I think perhaps a better way to normalize the kiss is to rehearse it often, and choreograph it specifically and talk about it with your students.

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  18. Thanks for the tips! I am in a production of "Arsenic and Old Lace" as Elaine, and the Mortimer and I are new to this aspect of acting. :)

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  19. In my drama class we are doing scene work with partners from the restoration period. me and my scene partner are doing The Beaux Stratagem, I'm Cherry and he is Archer, and we have to kiss twice. We have no director, and we just met yesterday. I have never kissed anyone before, and I don't know how to bring up the fact that we have to kiss. Do you have any tips on how to bring it up in a way that's not awkward? Or any other tips in general? I found your blog really helpful by the way!

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    1. Hi! Thanks for reading my blog!
      I would say that when next you meet to rehearse the scene, after your go through it, maybe just simply ask, "How do you want to approach the kiss?", or, "Any ideas on the blocking for the kiss?" or even "Do you think we have to do the kiss in the scene?" Get your partner's take on it, and then maybe talk to the drama instructor and ask if they think the kiss is necessary for the class scene work. I know it may seem awkward, but the sooner you discuss it, the sooner it will be out of the way, and feel more like a technical problem in the scene (like lines, blocking, etc.).
      I wish you all the best in your scene, and thank you again for reading my blog!

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  20. Hi! I am a senior in high school and performing Into the Woods this week. I have the part of Baker's Wife and the person cast to be Cinderella's Prince refuses to practice since his girlfriend will get angry. It's supposed to be really passionate and he doesn't know anything about stage kissing while I have had plenty of experience. What should I do?

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    1. I think in this case, maybe you should talk to your director privately about your concerns and have your director talk to him and work out. You don't want to get in the middle of he and his jealous girlfriend!
      Hope this helps! Hang in there!
      Thanks for reading!

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  21. This was super helpful! I'm a sophomore in high school and the play I'm in required me to do my first ever stage kiss (or any kiss, for that matter) and I was feeling awkward about it mainly because other cast members kept teasing us about it and saying we'd make a cute couple. At first I thought I was developing a crush on him, which would have made everything even more awkward, but after our first kiss all the weirdness melted away and I felt my character separate from my true self. Now I go through practice every day without getting nervous at all. This helped me work up the nerve to kiss him without running away screaming, so thanks!

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  22. Wow, thanks for writing this! I had my first stage kiss a year ago. I was so nervous, but didn't speak up about it to the director or the other actor. I just kinda went for it...and ultimately it turned out great and all the nerves disappeared.

    I've had to do quite a few other stage kisses since then, and never once has a director talked to me about how the kiss should look...and never once have I talked to the other actor about it...We all just kinda went for it.

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    1. Thank you so much Emily! I'm glad you liked this post, and I really appreciate the comment.
      Sometimes just going for it can be the best way, I agree!

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  23. Hi! I know everyone is saying this in the comments, but thank you for writing this. I'm seventeen and have never been kissed before, so I am thank both thankful and a bit trifled over the fact that I have been cast for the Baker's Wife for my school's production of Into the Woods.
    I am not troubled over the fact that I get to take on and interpret this amazing and independent character in my own way, I am instead troubled because I have two kissing scenes that I'll need to do. One obviously will not be a big deal, but the other (if you are familiar with it) involves a lot, and a lot of kissing that is incorporated into the scene's blocking.
    I feel ashamed for letting this intimidate me, because I should simply remain as professional as possible, and like you said- "its your character" not actually me. But then again, it will be my first kiss, and I have no idea how I will react, or what it will even be like... if that makes any sense?
    I want to go about this as professionally as possible, but I fear that this inner nervousness might ruin the scene. Any advice?

    - A flustered actress

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    1. Hi! I wrote a response, but it didn't post, so I'll try again!
      First off, thank you so much for reading this blog post and for your comment. Secondly, I want to congratulate you on getting the role of the Baker's Wife in Into the Woods! What a great part in a great show! I'm sure you'll have a blast doing it.
      My first stage kiss was also my first kiss, so I can understand why you are nervous. And it's okay to feel nervous and intimidated, so don't feel ashamed... it's natural to feel this way, even for adults.
      How well do you know the actor your playing opposite? I do think communication is important, but it might break the tension to even joke about it a bit. If he's a decent guy, I'm sure he wants to make sure you're feeling comfortable with everything. It helps to have the director establish the boundaries in terms of the blocking... how the kiss should look, how long it should last, etc.
      I won't lie--- even though you're playing a character, yes, it is your lips that are doing the kissing. I honestly feel the sooner you kiss in rehearsals, the better. You wait too long, it builds up, and you keep thinking about it and being nervous. Try for the first time to just have an easy brush of lips. Just lips brushing lips, don't worry about it looking realistic or perfect just yet... like with any piece of choreography, it gets easier with increased rehearsals. Start with just a quick kiss, and I bet a lot of the nervousness and stress will go away for both you and your partner. As you keep rehearsing, it will get easier, I promise. And if you blush, or feel nervous or shy, that's okay--- I think your character might feel that way, too.
      Does this help at all?
      I wish you all the best, and please feel free to let me know how it goes and if this advice helped at all! Break a leg!

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  24. Ok, this article helps me out a lot! Today I found out that I, a small and innocent freshman child, must stage kiss a sophomore and I did NOT sign up for that. I also have to grab his behind, and I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable. The directors are, sadly, two highschool senior boys and they couldn't care less. Do you know how I can handle that? I'm awkward enough as it is, and this is just making it worse.

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    1. WOW didn't realize how long that was haha. It's pretty much an autobiography/self-help book at this point. Sorry about that lol!

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    2. Hi Mia S.,
      Sorry for the lateness in my reply!
      First off, I hope everything went okay (I'm guessing I'm a little late to offer you help).
      Secondly, in case anyone reads this comment and is in a similar situation:
      If your director or directors are fellow students, and you're not sure how to proceed with issues of stage kissing and touching, go to a faculty advisor. If there isn't a specific one for drama, go to a teacher you trust, lay out your concerns, and ask for their advice in proceeding, and perhaps see if they can step in and mediate for this specific issue.
      Again, sorry for the lateness in my reply, and hope things turned out okay!

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  25. Hey! I'm a freshman in high school and playing the role of Miss Sandra in All Shook Up. My character has to try and seduce another character (natalie, who is dressed up as Ed and Miss Sandra doesn't know it's actually Natalie) with a sexy ol song about letting yourself go. In that song I get a handful of her butt and at the end of the song she slaps mine. Natalie/Ed is played by really nice senior and I've found that in awkward situations like that it's best to not make a huge deal out of it and go about it as your character would. When I first rehearsed the butt grab the director made me grab her butt for a long time to try and get us used to it. And it worked! Hey, if I can grab it for 20 seconds I sure as heck can grab it for 2. The girl was toataly okay with it and she reassured me like "yeah! Just do it! I don't care at all. Do what you gotta do!!". Making sure your stage partner is comfortable is important as well. As I've rehearsed it, the uncomfortableness has gone away completely. It feels as if I'm doing something really normal and natural so I guess it comes down to letting it all lose so both people are comfortable, communicating, and knowing that really, it's not a big deal. Both of you are doing this for the sake of the stage so just have fun! If I were you I would try to get to know that sophomore of at least try to crack some jokes his way, even if you aren't close, the ability to laugh together can really lighten the situation up. Don't ever feel discouraged because you think you're awkward because the stage isn't about you, it's about your character. To give the audience a show you must be that fully realized character confidently. ---Oh my gosh I realize I'm probably rambling but I just love to share my life :). Obviously my charachter is a pretty outgoing person, unlike myself. She always has her touche swaying in people's faces and cracking one liners. I surprised myself as I started getting into it because I never thought of myself as someone who could do that. I was (and am) awkward. The trick is to LET YOURSELF GO and become someone else. Don't be afraid to preform because when you give it your all, not one person can judge you! As for those senior directors, don't feel like you can't talk to them about this if you're really uncomfortable because if they are responsible enough to put on a play they are likely to care about how the cast is holding up. If you feel like you need to at least talk to them give it a shot! OKAY I'm sorry this is so long you might not even ever read this it's just so fun to try and help out people when I can! I have to do a stage kiss as well. In fact, were just starting that tommorow! I hope o can take my own advice but I'm sure, as all past actors have and future actors will, we can get through it! Whew. Okay. SEE YA good luck if you haven't finished yet!

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    1. Hi Madison Sloan!
      Thank you for reading my blog and leaving your thoughts.
      I love "All Shook Up!". A few years back (probably closer to eight), I played the part of Dennis, who ends up with Miss Sandra, after having a huge crush on Natalie for most of the show. I loved singing the song "It Hurts Me"... lots of fun.
      Miss Sandra is a great part, and "Let Yourself Go" is a great number. I agree--- for me, it has always been about what the character would do. I got involved in acting and fell in love with acting because I am a shy person in real life a good deal of the time, and acting is a way to let loose and be different than who you are.
      I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and your comments. I hope your production is a fun one... I would do that show again in a heartbeat, though I'm probably a bit old for the part now.
      All the best!

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  26. Thank you so much for making this article, I just got cast as Meg in Little Woman(One of my first ever roles) and I was kind of clueless on what to do. Definitely makes me a bit more confident going into practices.

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    1. Glad you found the article helpful! Hope your production of "Little Women" goes really well!

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  27. I want to audition for a role in RENT but, as a girl, the only roles i can go for all involve at least one kiss. I have done stage kisses in the past but I now have a serious boyfriend who is VERY against the idea. I want to know how i can talk to him about it in a way that might change his mind? I can understand his feelings and I want to respect them, but I would hate to miss out on a good opportunity like this. Any advice on what to say to him?

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    1. Hi! Thank you for reading the article!
      I find that generally that a person who is uncomfortable with their significant other doing romantic scenes on stage most likely are unfamiliar with the world of stage kissing, or maybe being onstage altogether. It is understandable that the thought of your spouse or girlfriend kissing another person might be upsetting.
      However...
      If you're playing a murderer onstage, and there is a scene where you kill someone, does a spouse automatically become worried that you might kill in real life?
      Now, I know that might not seem like the same issue, but in a way it is. As actors, we know that we don't fall in love with every person we've ever fallen in love with onstage. We also know that stage kissing is just something required for a role. As I suggest in the article, it is something that should be choreographed, almost like a dance, or any other piece of blocking.
      I would try explaining to your boyfriend how important being in theater is in your life, and that, from time to time, stage kisses will be a part of being in a play. Tell him you can understand that it is uncomfortable, but stress that there is no meaning behind a stage kiss, other than pretending.
      Obviously, this isn't a relationship blog, and I'm not expert on it, but I can say with some confidence, that relationships of course are built on trust and being supportive of your partner's endeavors. If you have a serious relationship, there must be trust there.
      Anecdotally speaking, a friend of mine, female, had a serious boyfriend who expressed some discomfort at her being involved in stage kisses. She said to him, "Being on stage is a very big part of who I am. You need to get used to that." They are now married, she still does plays and has done stage kisses, so I guess it all worked out!
      Just be honest with your feelings.
      I hope this is at least somewhat helpful!

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  28. Hi Bobby,
    I'm acting in a play I wrote, and we're about to stage a kiss tomorrow. I initially wasn't meant to be playing this part, so it kind of just snuck up on me that this was a thing that was going to be happening. Eeek! Your advice and my wonderful directors are making this far easier. Thanks for your words of advice and your wonderful playwriting talent.

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    1. Hello, Introverted Owl (great name by the way)!
      Thank you so much for your kind words. Congratulations on acting in a Play you wrote!

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  29. Hi. First of all, thank you for writing this article. So, I am a freshmen in high school, and I haven't had my first kiss yet. And even though I listed that I was not comfortable doing a stage kiss, I was cast as Kim MacAfee, who kisses Hugo multiple times (From the productions I have seen on YouTube). To make matters worse, Hugo is being played by my brother's friend, who is a senior. I am incredibly nervous and anxious. What do I do? How can I handle this?

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    1. Hi!
      First off, thank you for reading this post!
      Secondly, I want to say you did the right thing by making it known that you were not comfortable with a stage kiss right upfront. By doing this, the director can't say you didn't let them know.
      I know it's not always easy, especially in school theatre, but it's really important to make sure you speak up for your own personal comfort. It can be nerve-wracking, but I highly suggest talking with your director as soon as possible about your concerns. Remind him or her that you expressed your discomfort with stage kissing before being cast, and then ask questions about their plans for these scenes. Let your director know what you are comfortable with (maybe hugs, hand holding, perhaps a kiss on the cheek--- again, what YOU are comfortable with).
      I know it is a plot point that Kim is supposed to kiss Conrad, and then Hugo punches him --- I can't remember if the kiss happens before Hugo interrupts, but, even if it isn't written that way, it could be blocked that way. There are, of course, ways to block stage kisses so you give the appearance of kissing without really touching lips.
      Communication is key. You were given the part after being upfront, so it shouldn't be taken away from you. Just be open and respectful with your director, and remember that your comfort is important!
      I hope this helps and that it all works out! It's a fun show and Kim is a great part!
      Break a leg!
      P.S. It's possible the actor playing Hugo has similar concerns about awkwardness. If you feel comfortable talking with him about it, that might be helpful, too.

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  30. I know this blog post is seven years old, but I just wanted to let you know it helped ease my fears about my upcoming rehearsals for Into the Woods. Thanks.

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    1. Glad you found it helpful!
      All the best to you!

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