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| Still Picture from American Playhouse's production of "Who Am I This Time?" |
When I was teaching an Introduction to Theater class at Foxcroft Academy, I had my students read Kurt Vonnegut's short story, "Who Am I This Time?," about a shy community theater actor named Harry Nash who seems to only come to life or, indeed, have any personality at all, when he is acting on stage. He knows how to be Cyrano, knows how to be Stanley Kowalski, knows how to be any character you throw at him, but he has no idea how to talk or relate to people as Harry Nash. While I know many people (mistakenly) think of Mr. Vonnegut as a sci-fi writer, or maybe a funny social critic, this story is neither of those things. In fact, it is a sweet gentle tale about community theater, which ultimately becomes a love story: Helene Shaw, on an assignment for her job, is cast in a play with Harry, and learns how to break through his shyness, using dialogue from plays to woo him.
The story was published in 1961 by the Saturday Evening Post (back when, as Vonnegut used to say, a writer could actually make a living writing short stories), and is now widely available in Vonnegut's classic short story collection Welcome To the Monkey House. Though I find the story timeless, full of heart and humor and just plain goodwill, many students found it boring (probably didn't read it, if I am being honest), or at the very least, didn't relate to it. But then there were always a few who did.
The shy ones. They got it. Just like I did.
I was actually introduced to the story by way of the short film that was adapted from it for the gone and still lamented American Playhouse. This short film is a very faithful adaptation of the short story, directed by the late Oscar-winning Jonathan Demme (when he was still early, of course), and starring Oscar-winning actors Christopher Walken as Harry and Susan Sarandon as Helene. I suppose I could have shown this movie in class instead of making them read the short story, though I still think it might have only really hit home with the shy ones like me. And having been made in 1982 with almost non-existent production values, I do wonder how it would have been received--- though the performances from the two leads are outstanding, and it is a funny story if you can let yourself bet taken in by it.
My first year drama coach in high school was Tom Lyford, and he gave me the movie to watch to observe how Walken cried out "Stella!" as Harry was rehearsing for A Streetcar Named Desire. Well, this is why he told me he was lending me the movie. I think there was more to it. I think he recognized a shy, introverted young man, who seemed to only really come alive on stage.
I have always been shy. I mean, I am good with a small group of close friends, and, these days I can flip the "ON" switch an be entertaining around groups of people. But it is so very exhausting.
But being in character on stage has always been invigorating. Expressing myself through different characters has always felt natural.
I was accepted into Boston University's School for the Arts, but when I got there, I had such a hard time talking to people. I was more shy there than I had ever been in my life. I wanted to talk to people, but I just didn't know how. I remember a king young woman in my group asking, "Have you ever seen the movie 'Who Am I This Time?'" I told her yes. She said, "I thought you probably had. I bet you have a whole lot going inside."
She was right.
I have learned through the years that it is not uncommon for actors to be introverts--- quite the contrary. It is called escapism for a reason.
I know that many of the students in my Intro to Theater class were put in there by the guidance counselor because they needed an arts elective. But I was always happy to see one of the shy ones start to shine in the classroom scenes, and learn how to express themselves, using theater as a tool.
And I like to think that Mr. Vonnegut's Who Am I This Time? helped with their journey. I know it did mine.
