FREE SCENE EXCERPT FOR 2 FEMALES from "BETTY LOU TWINKLE'S TABLOID SCANDAL"

Cover of my Script, from Brooklyn Publishers

Here's a free scene from my play Betty Lou Twinkle's Tabloid Scandal.  This play is available from Brooklyn Publishers, and can be ordered by CLICKING HERE. 

This is a scene for two actresses.  One, is Betty Lou, our heroine, a teenage girl who wants to be normal.  The other is Darlene, her mother, a VERY overbearing stage mother, who has pushed Betty Lou into show business ever since she was a contestant on "Divas in Diapers".  This is a very satirical piece, and a whole lot of fun!  Have fun reading it, and feel free to use it for audition or classwork purposes, just make sure you tell everyone the name of the play, and the author (yours truly, Bobby Keniston). 

 SCENE ONE


SETTING: Backstage of the reality show, "America’s Future One-Hit Wonders."

AT RISE: BETTY LOU TWINKLE, 15 is looking into a mirror. She doesn’t like her outfit, mainly because it doesn’t cover as much of her as she would like. She is a pretty, sweet girl, who has been pushed around by her mother all of her life. She takes her midriff-bearing shirt and pulls it down, trying to stretch it past her belly button, and finally succeeds. When she is satisfied with this, she takes a seat in front of the mirror, looks around, and then takes a photograph from her pocket and looks at it.
BETTY LOU: Oh, Catboy, I wish you were here right now. In a world like this, you’re the only normal person I know. And you’re part cat. What does that say about society?

Suddenly, DARLENE ROSEPETTLE enters. She is a force of nature. She carries a small suitcase that contains assorted makeup.
DARLENE: Who are you talking to?

BETTY LOU, startled, quickly stashes the photo in her pocket.
BETTY LOU: Hi mom!

DARLENE: Are you hiding something from me?

BETTY LOU: Of course not. I was just talking to myself in the mirror, trying to psyche myself up for tonight.

DARLENE: (After inspecting her a moment.) And just where is your belly button?

BETTY LOU: (Trying to joke.) Same place as everybody’s!

DARLENE: I see. You’re startin’ in early with the sass today. Why are you hiding your navel?

BETTY LOU: I’m not…

DARLENE: What do I always say?

BETTY LOU: Mom…

DARLENE: What do I always say?

BETTY LOU: (Sighing.) "A teenage girl’s belly button on display, helps make her a star in every way."

DARLENE: That’s right! You know how important tonight is! Once you win "America’s Future One-Hit Wonders," you can wear a sweater for all I care. (Beat.) Well, maybe for a day or two, and not in public. But if we’re going to win this competition tonight, we’ve got to give them some skin, sugar.

BETTY LOU: But it makes me uncomfortable!

DARLENE: You want to discuss discomfort? Try being in labor for four and a half hours!

BETTY LOU: I know, but…

DARLENE: No buts! Look, my little peachy-bear, we’ve made it through thirteen weeks of the show, we’re in the top two, and tonight, we are one step closer to our dream of being the most famous singer in the world!

BETTY LOU: But that’s not my dream.

DARLENE: Of course it is! I happen to remember a little girl who told me she wanted to be the biggest star who ever lived!

BETTY LOU: I was only four! And you had just asked me if I wanted to be the biggest star who ever lived.

DARLENE: Don’t you dare pretend that you haven’t wanted this, Miss Betty Lou Twinkle!

BETTY LOU: That’s not even my real name.

DARLENE: We’ve been using that name ever since you were a contestant on "Divas in Diapers"! I don’t have to tell you that people won’t want to listen to music by someone named Elizabeth Korsinski-Brattwurst. Why do you think I changed my last name to Rosepettle after your daddy did the world a favor and croaked?

BETTY LOU: But mom, I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to be in front of the camera, I don’t want to pretend I’m happy when I’m not, I don’t want a fake name. I just want to be me. I want to have a normal life. I want to hang out with Ca… (Beat.) I want to play soccer.


There is a long pause.
 DARLENE: I should wash your mouth out with soap!

BETTY LOU: Mom…

DARLENE: You get to sing and flaunt your goods in front of millions of viewers, and you’d rather be out on some field kicking a ball around? I have worked long and hard for your career…

BETTY LOU: I know, I know. But don’t you care what I want? Doesn’t the fact that I’m your daughter mean anything?

DARLENE: Sweetie-britches, I know it’s hard for you to understand, but I’m your agent first, and your mother second. Now let’s fix your make-up, okay?

BETTY LOU: Fine.

DARLENE: That’s my little twinkly star!


DARLENE opens the suitcase which has tons of make-up. BETTY LOU sits down, and DARLENE starts applying make-up to her.
BETTY LOU: Mom? Can I ask you something?

DARLENE: Of course.

BETTY LOU: Will you still love me if I don’t win the competition tonight?

DARLENE: What a thing to say?! I know you’re going to win tonight!

BETTY LOU: Yeah, but… what if I don’t? Will you still love me?

DARLENE: Now, Betty Lou, I am shocked that you even have to ask! I am your Mother! I love you no matter what!

BETTY LOU: I’m happy to hear you say that. Thank you.

Beat.
DARLENE: It’s just that I love you even more when you win things. (BETTY LOU reacts.) Look, you can’t fault me for that. It’s human nature. People like winners. I’m allowed to be human, right?

BETTY LOU: (Tired.) Yeah.

DARLENE: That’s a good girl. Now, remember when you perform tonight, I want you to flirt with the judges.

BETTY LOU: Come on.

DARLENE: Now, none of that, missy. What have I told you since you were eight?

BETTY LOU: (By rote.) "Flirting’s never been a sin, especially when you want to win."

DARLENE: That’s right! Especially make eyes at that Tyler Ramone, maybe even sit in his lap.

BETTY LOU: I am not sitting in Tyler’s lap!

DARLENE: And just why not? He used to be one of the biggest rock star heartthrobs in the world!

BETTY LOU: 3 years ago! A lifetime in this industry! Now he looks like a long-haired piece of leather, and smells like wet cigarette butts.

DARLENE: That may be so, but he likes you. You need to take advantage of that.

BETTY LOU: He’s a creeper.

DARLENE: Honestly, Betty Lou, I’m not asking you to marry him! Or even take him to the prom! Just give him a smile and a wink or two.

BETTY LOU: Fine. But I’m not going to touch him.

DARLENE: I ask you to do one thing, one thing! Is it really so much to ask that you win this competition, so you can buy me a big house and provide for me in my autumn years? I have sacrificed my life for you, I flushed my own dreams down the toilet! Is it so much to ask that you sit in a has-been poseur’s lap?

She finishes with the make-up and storms a few steps away, sulking.
BETTY LOU: Are you saying that you’re sorry you had me?

DARLENE: (Turning to face her.) No! I’m just saying that after all I’ve given up, it shouldn’t be such a chore to let me live vicariously through you. That is the natural order of things, you know. (She turns away, in tears, her voice breaking on the following: .) I… just…just…wanted you to have…ev…everything…I… I… NEVER HAD! (She begins "sobbing" and turns away from her daughter.) Like your own bikini calendar and reality show!

BETTY LOU watches her mother’s display of "emotion" for a moment, then crosses to her and puts a hand on her back.
BETTY LOU: Don’t cry, mom. It will make your mascara run. (Beat.) I mean it, stop crying. (Beat.) I’ll do what it takes to win tonight, all right?

Immediately, DARLENE spins around with a big smile on her face.
 DARLENE: Now that’s my little deep-fried pickle! Now, you’ve got the new song I wrote for you memorized, right? It’s a guaranteed winner!

BETTY LOU: Actually, since you’ve brought it up, I wanted to talk to you about changing some of the lyrics.

DARLENE: (Immediately suspicious.) Oh?

BETTY LOU: Now don’t get upset. I’m doing what you asked me, so I think you can at least consider doing something for me.

DARLENE: (Barely concealed seething behind a smile.) And what lyrics are you having trouble with, dear?

BETTY LOU: Well, mom… it’s not that the song is bad… I just don’t think it sets a very good example for girls my age.

DARLENE: Why would you say that?

BETTY LOU: Well, for example… (Reciting.) "Come on baby, let me show my love is real, my mamma won’t mind if you cop a feel." I just don’t feel comfortable projecting that kind of image.

DARLENE: It’s a dance song! Besides, if you cut that line, the title doesn’t make sense! If a song is called "My Mamma Won’t Mind if You Cop a Feel" you’ve got to have that phrase in the lyrics somewhere, or people won’t be able to follow. And, that’s a perfect part in the song for you to give Tyler a little wink!

BETTY LOU: I don’t want to be a bad role model…

DARLENE: Sugar-bean, good role models don’t sell records. What do I always tell you?

BETTY LOU: I know, but…

DARLENE: What do I always tell you?

BETTY LOU: (Reciting.) "A good girl’s career will hit a slump, unless she learns to shake her rump."

DARLENE: Very good, my precious plum! Now that that nonsense is out of the way, I better scoot. The camera crew needs to do the pre-interview before you sing! I’ll be right out in the front row, holdin’ up my sign!

BETTY LOU: Okay.

DARLENE: Remember… eyes and teeth, eyes and teeth!

BETTY LOU: Yeah, I know.

DARLENE: Kisses! (She puckers and makes a few kissing noises in the air, then exits.)

BETTY LOU turns around to the mirror. She looks very weary and sad. Suddenly, she puts on a big smile. She is startled by how phony, yet real it looks. She goes back to looking sad, then immediately smiles again. She sighs, and returns to looking weary. She takes the photo of Catboy out of her pocket, strokes it lovingly, then replaces it in her pocket and looks in the mirror.
BETTY LOU: All right, Betty Lou. Time to go twinkle.

Blackout. End of scene.


All right!  Thanks for reading, and, if you work on it, I hope you have fun!  Just remember to give me credit, and, if you want to put the play on, you can order it through Brooklyn Publishers by CLICKING HERE!

Until next time, have fun playing, and remember:  theater is a sport! 

Let's Hear it for the Ladies: 10 Great Playwrights Who Happen to be Women

Greetings ladies and gentlemen.  My name is Bobby Keniston, and I would like to welcome you to Theater is a Sport, where I talk about all things theatre-related. 

I am a playwright, actor, director, and drama teacher.  One of the classes I teach is an introduction to playwriting class.  This year, each semester, my class has been entirely made up of female students, which has been an incredible experience for me.  They have all worked on (or are currently working on) very interesting pieces, and they are all a joy to have as students. 

Unfortunately, when you look at a list of great plays or great playwrights, all too often, if you're like me, you notice a distinct absence of women writers listed.  Does this mean that there are no great female playwrights out there? 

Absolutely not.  In fact, some of the most exciting work in American theatre being written today is being written by female playwrights.

I decided to compile a list of some playwrights I admire to share with my female students, and I will share it with you all now.  However, these fiercely talented women should not only be known as "women playwrights".  They are, in actuality, great playwrights, who just happen to be women.  I will share a little bit about them, and you can decide for yourself after reading or seeing their work if you like them the same way I do.  This list is in no particular order, they just happen to be how I list them.
Oh, and to be clear--- this is certainly not a "definitive" or "complete" list.  I've tried to pick some diverse playwrights for my students, and, are all playwrights whose work I am very familiar with, and love.  Please feel free to share your favorite great playwrights who happen to be women in the comments section below.

(By the way--- I feel it is almost sad that I have to write an post like this... I do so, to prove to my female playwriting students that there are many greats who have come before them... they tend to only ever hear of male playwrights.  Let's all try to change that.)

LILLIAN HELLMAN, American (1905-1984).  Notable works:  The Children's Hour, Little Foxes, "Toys in the Attic"  Lillian Hellman was also a writer of screenplays and memoir.  She was nominated for an Academy Award for the adaptation of her play Little Foxes (which happens to be my personal favorite of hers)  In the 1950s, she was called to testify for the House Un-American Activities Committee, and would only speak for herself and not mention anyone else's name.  Good for her.

TINA HOWE (1937-), known for her plays Painting Churches, "Coastal Disturbances", "Pride's Crossing".  She is an experimental playwright, exploring absurdism is realistic settings.  She won an Obie in 1983, and has been nominated for both a Tony award and the Pulitzer Prize for drama.  She also has created translations of Ionesco's The Bald Soprano and The Lesson.

CARYL CHURCHILL (1938-), an English playwright, known for her non-naturalistic and feminist themes, and experimenting with dance-theater.  Some of her notable works are Cloud Nine, Top Girls, and my personal favorite of hers, The Skriker, a really cool and dark play about a fairy,and demons. 

WENDY WASSERSTEIN (1950-2006), a graduate of the Yale School of Drama, where she was good friends with Christopher Durang.  She won a Tony Award and a Pulitzer Prize for her play The Heidi Chronicles, and is also known for her play The Sisters Rosensweig.  I am very fond of a 10-minute play she wrote called Tender Offer.  Sadly, her life was cut short by lymphoma.

PAULA VOGEL (1951), one of my favorite playwrights of all time.  Paula Vogel attacks some very dark themes, such as incest and AIDS, but she does so in a very creative and accessible fashion.  She won an Obie award n 1992 for her play The Baltimore Waltz (which I had the pleasure to act in when I was in college), and she won a much deserved Pulitzer Prize for her excellent play, How I Learned to Drive.

SUZAN LORI-PARKS (1963-), won a Pulitzer for her play Topdog/Underdog.  She has also been awarded a MacArthur "Genius" Grant for her work.  As well as her plays, she also wrote the screenplay for Spike Lee's film Girl 6, as well as an adaptation of Zora Neal Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God.  My favorite of her plays is Venus, about Saartjie Baartman, a Khoikhoi woman exhibited as Hottentot Venus, due to her large backside. 

BETH HENLEY (1952-) is known for her plays about women and family issues in the American South.  Her play Crimes of the Heart won the Pulitzer Prize and received a Tony nomination.  She is also known for her plays Miss Firecracker Contest, and Am I Blue?

MARSHA NORMAN (1947-) achieved tremendous success with her play 'night, Mother, which won the Pulitzer Prize.  She also wrote the Book and Lyrics for a musical adaptation of The Secret Garden, which won a Tony for Best Book in 1991.  She also wrote a play called Loving Daniel Boone, which starred my playwriting professor Gladden Schrock as the title character. 

YASMINA REZA (1959 or 1960-), a French playwright best known for her works Art and God of Carnage, a play that is bitingly funny and chilling at the same time.  It won Yasmina Reza the Tony Award for Best Play in 2009.

KAREN HARTMAN was a guest professor at Bennington when I was a student there.  She has received support for her work frm the Rockefeller Foundation, the N.E.A., and was awarded a New Dramatist Residency.  She is a graduate of the Yale School of Drama, and has written some amazing plays such as Leah's Train, ALICE:  Tales of a Curious Girl, and an amazing modern adaptation of Troy Women, which I absolutely love to pieces. 

Okay, there is just a small sampling of playwrights who happen to women, and who are definitely writers worth reading and becoming a fan of. 

Thanks for reading my blog post.  You can learn more about me by checking out www.brookpub.com, www.playscripts.com, www.histage.com, and www.hitplays.com and searching for Bobby Keniston.  You can find a list of my plays and even read free samples. 

ALSO--- I've started a new experimental blog, where I am writing a short story every day for a year. Each story will be between 100-250 words.  I call it Micro Fiction Experiment or Bobby Keniston's Short Shorts.  Feel free to drop by and check it out.  You can get there by CLICKING HERE!

Until next time, remember that not all playwrights are men, and that theater is more than an artform and a craft:  it is also a sport.