A GREAT PLAY FOR HALLOWEEN MONTH: I Interview Bradley Walton About Their Play, "Villains and Zombies"

 

Angry Zombie Nate Feleke, Photo by Sophia Kurzius

Here we are, Halloween Month still marching on to the final big day, and it is time for me to talk about another play that I think is perfect to produce during the scary season. It is called Villains and Zombies, by my playwright pal Bradley Walton. The show is unique in that it takes the idea of super villains, which we are all familiar with in comics and movies and television, and places them on stage. I was completely fascinated at the idea of directing a graphic novel in a theatrical setting, something one does not get the chance to do very often--- add in the horror element with zombies, some philosophical discussions about redemption, and flawed but relatable characters (not to mention the chance for some disgusting zombie makeup), and you have a perfect show that presses all of my geek buttons.

When I first started publishing plays, I reached out to playwrights who were being published in my market for advice and commiseration, not really expecting people to get back to me. I was mistaken--- most of them did write back to me, but Bradley did even better by calling me up, chatting with me for the better part of an hour and giving me advice and telling me about their experience in the business.

Bradley was generous enough to take the time and answer some questions about the writing of Villains and Zombies, comics, and why zombies are so scary.

Playwright Bradley Walton

BOBBY: One of the reasons I wanted to direct Villains and Zombies is because I loved comics growing up, and your rarely see superhero (or in this case, super villain) stories told on the stage. I know you've forgotten more about comics than I will ever know, and I'm curious what inspired you to take a comic book type story like this (or your excellent play Higher Power) and create it specifically for the stage?

BRADLEY: My answer to this is probably going to be horribly disappointing. Basically, I needed to write a play for my school that year (as I do every year) and a comic book-type story is what was rolling around in my head. Ditto for Higher Power. You can tell any genre of story on the stage, you just have to adapt it to fit within your resources and what’s possible in a live performance environment. That can be constraining, but it can also inspire you to get creative. It also forces you to focus on character rather than the fantastical action stuff, which was fine with me because I was much more interested in exploring how having super powers influenced who the characters were as people.  So it was largely a matter of “This is what I’m going to write this year” and it just happened to be a comic book-style story.

BOBBY: One of my favorite special series when I was collecting was Batman Vs. Predator, in large part because it combined my beloved Batman with a horror creature like Predator. I also collected a Dracula comic series and a brief run of Morbius the Vampire. Were there any specific comics with elements of horror that inspired your writing of Villains and Zombies? Why do you think superhero stories tend to blend so well with elements of the horror genre?

BRADLEY: Funny you should mention Dracula. I used to collect sketches of Dracula that I commissioned from artists at comic book conventions. It was something everyone was familiar with and felt free to put their own spin on, so it made for a good subject. But to answer the question...no, not that I’m aware of.  I’m actually not much of a horror fan at all.  (Very much in contrast to my kid.)  I’m pretty sure I was reading The Walking Dead at that point, but I have zero recollection of it rattling around in my head at all as I was working on this.  (In contrast, J. Michael Straczynski’s Supreme Power was definitely rattling around in my head.) The zombies were really just a device to put a group of deeply flawed characters in a desperate situation that would force them to reevaluate themselves and undergo significant personal growth in a very short period of time.  But I do think horror and superheroes blend well, and that’s because they can both involve fantastical elements.  If you can accept that a person has super powers, then using those powers to fight reanimated corpses isn’t a stretch at all.  Ditto for giving those powers to reanimated corpses, which Marvel has done in its Marvel Zombies comics and also recently on the animated What If…? series.

Full Cast photo from Foxcroft Academy's production, 2014

BOBBY: Another reason I loved producing the play with my high school group was that it led to a great deal of interesting discussions and character work. Many heavy and important themes are in this, which, to be honest, surprised a great number of my colleagues who came to see the show. They did not expect a play about villains battling zombies to carry themes such as redemption, the shades of gray between good and evil, loyalty, loss, guilt and even how a marital relationship can strain and break. Can you tell me a bit about how you decided to explore these kinds of themes through this story and these characters?

 BRADLEY:  Aside from the two main characters and their ex-marital relationship that serves as the backbone of play, along with the basic concept, setting, and the ending... everything was made up on the fly as I wrote, and I wrote pretty quickly.  It was kind of amazing.  I’d just reach blindly into my head for the next thing that I needed and there it was.  And very little revision was needed afterwards.  So it really wasn’t a conscious decision to explore those themes, so much as “that’s just what came out.”  As to why that’s what came out, I’d say it was because I was a fan of dark, character-driven superhero comics, so that’s where my brain went.  It probably helped that I knew exactly how the play would end, and I was always writing with that specific direction in mind.

With respect to the divorced couple who are the play’s two main characters...I’m very happily married and have been for 25 years.  When I write about couples in relationships, to some extent I’m always drawing on my relationship with my wife.  The two characters in the play had a marriage that was grounded in causing mayhem together as super villains.  They were forced to go into hiding when something happened that made the world too dangerous to be a super villain, and without the mayhem, their marriage fell apart.  But they still love each other.  I can relate to that.  I can write that.  So I did. 

BOBBY: What do you think it is about zombies that makes them so scary to us, but also so very popular in our entertainment?

BRADLEY:  They’re people.  Or at least, they used to be.  They could be someone we love.  They could be us.  We can easily see a dark reflection of ourselves in them, which is what makes them great metaphors for other things...mindless consumers, mindless followers of some particular ideology, mindless pretty-much-anything-you-can-think-of.  They’re not complicated or difficult to understand.  They can be physically horrific to look at....or not.  Zombies are incredibly versatile.

BOBBY:  And finally: what advice do you have for any school or community theater group out there that is interested in producing Villains and Zombies?  (Note:  As someone who has directed a popular production in my home town, I highly recommend it!)

BRADLEY:  When I did the play with a group of high school students, they had some difficulty relating to the characters.  The super powers had nothing to do with it.  It was the grounded-in-the-real-world stuff...marriage, divorce, reconciling, going into hiding, giving up the thing that gives your life meaning, being a criminal, choosing to be something other than what you’ve been  your entire life...they had very little personal experience to draw on relating to these things.  So if you’re doing this play with younger actors (or even older ones), plan to spend some time working on them getting to know and understand their characters.  

From a purely technical standpoint, there’s some offstage dialogue at the end of the play that’s easy for the audience to miss because there’s a lot going on.  Make sure that dialogue is clear, audible, and try to find appropriate beats in the action to insert it.

Also, if I was writing the play today, I would probably have given the two main characters different super villain names than North and South, because I feel like in the current political climate, those words have become more readily associated with the Civil War. I used those names because I associated them with cold and hot. No Civil War connection is implied or should be inferred.

Leah Word and Gabriel Piquette as Malin and Monstro, respectively

Again, I want to thank Bradley for taking the time to answer my questions, and to highly recommend Villains and Zombies for production. My students had a blast. I produced the play in 2014, and just a few years ago, one of the students from the show made a long post on social media about how lucky and grateful he was to be in a play that combined super villains and zombies while in high school, making the point that it is so rare to be able to portray something so cool in a high school play.

Now that's a positive impression!

If you would like to learn more about Bradley's work, and you are in luck because there is a whole lot of it!, you can do so by clicking the links below:

BRADLEY'S PLAYS AT BROOKLYN PUBLISHERS

BRADLEY'S PLAYS AT ELDRIDGE

BRADLEY'S PLAYS AT THEATREFOLK

BRADLEY'S PLAYS AT PLAYSCRIPTS, INC.

BRADLEY'S PLAYS AT BIG DOG PLAYS

BRADLEY'S PLAYS AT HEUER

BRADLEY'S PLAYS AT YouthPLAYS

And if you would like to learn about my spooky comedy for younger audiences, Are We Scared Yet?, you can do so by CLICKING HERE

Please comment below with the titles of your favorite Halloween Month plays!

And feel free to visit my book review blog, "My Only Friends Are Books" by CLICKING HERE

A COLLECTION OF PLAYS ABOUT LOVE

As a playwright, it is always an honor to be included in an anthology of plays.  Particularly when it is an anthology of plays about love.

It's a terrific subject, isn't it?  According to the musical Aida, or, at least the lyricist Tim Rice, every story is a love story.  While I agree with this to some extent, there are certainly plays that stand out as either a celebration or close examination of the human spirit in love.  Certainly their are classics from Shakespeare like Romeo and Juliet and A Midsummer Night's Dream, to name but a few.  And contemporary theater is chock-full of plays examining love, from A Streetcar Named Desire to Barefoot in the Park, from Same Time, Next Year to Angels in America.  Don't even get me started on musicals!

That is why I was honored when my play A Forgetful Remembrance (click the link to learn more or order) was recently included in an anthology of ten minute plays about love called Head Over Heels.   I wrote the piece as part of a longer play made up of ten minute scenes about love called Bees are in the Park.(click the link to learn more or order)  It is all about an elderly couple, sitting in a park, remembering their life together.  As the play progresses, we learn that the elderly gentleman, Colin, is in a bit of denial about a very important event.  I wrote the play as an expression of what I consider to be the truest kind of love.  At the time, I felt this short play said everything that needed to be said about love and devotion that I could possibly say.  Whether or not this is true, I can say that the the play is packed with emotion.  I have received countless messages from people who have performed the piece, telling me about how the audience was in tears by the end, both guys and gals.  I find this gratifying, as, I must confess, I still can't read through the piece without tearing up at the end.  It is one of those rare plays that I can read and almost forget that I was the one who wrote it.

A photo from a production of "A Forgetful Remembrance" by the Reedy Point Players in Delaware

 I think ten minute plays are great way to put together a night of theater on a small budget, and with cast restrictions. Because they are short, they have a clear conflict, and are usually pretty dynamic.  Ten minute duets in particular give actors a chance to really delve into a character, and make it shine, without having to worry about carrying an entire evening.  This is a gift for student actors and experienced actors alike.

I don't only recommend Head Over Heels  because my play is in it.  There are eleven other short plays that deal with love, ranging from the hilarious to the dramatic to poignant and touching.  Here's a look at the table of contents:

Coaster of Doom by Lisa Cestowski
Lunch Date by Sally Jane Kerschen-Sheppard
Dance in Venice by John Shanahan
A Forgetful Remembrance by Bobby Keniston (Me!)
He Loves Me by Tim Mogford
Say it With Flowers by Jim Gustafson
Real Beatlemaniacs by Leslie Bramm
1st Floor, 2nd Floor by Olivia Arieti
Almost by Krista Dalby
Leslie and the Boys by Tim Mogford
Measuring Matthew by Patrick Gabridge
First Impression by Matt Thompson

Again, I don't just say this because I'm featured here (although, that is a plus), but in all seriousness, this is a terrific anthology that would be a great addition to any drama teacher's collection, any community theater's collection, or just for anyone who loves to read plays.

Who doesn't want to experience an evening full of love at the theater?

You can order Head Over Heels from Brooklyn Publishers by CLICKING HERE, or from Heuer Publishing by CLICKING HERE.

MY PROM DATE WAS A FELON, featured play in this month's Brooklyn Publishers' Newsletter!

Greetings, loyal readers of my blog!

I wanted to let you all know that my play, My Prom Date Was a Felon, is the featured play in Brooklyn Publishers' October newsletter.  If you click HERE, it will take you directly to the newsletter where you can read a new essay I wrote about the play called How This Playwright Finally Went to the Prom (all about how I can live vicariously through my characters), and, until OCTOBER 9TH, you can download a FREE perusal e-script of the play!

As many of you regular readers already know, this is a play that I am very proud of, and I am so excited that this newsletter is giving people a chance to learn more about it and to even read it for free!

I would be remiss if I did not mention that this newsletter also has information and synopses of many other great plays for schools and community theaters, including plays by some of my playwriting pals.  In fact, I'd recommend signing up for the newsletter so you can always see the great stuff that's coming out from the many talented folks at Brooklyn Publishers (who published my very first play and got me started in this business!)

All righty.  I guess that's it.  Again, you can follow the link above, or, hey, I'll make it simple, and say that you can just click HERE!

Free Excerpt from "AEROPLANE OVER THE SEA" For Two Males and One Female, for Auditions or Class Work!

Script Cover For my play, Aeroplane Over the Sea

Today at Theater is a Sport, I would like to offer a free excerpt from my play Aeroplane Over the Sea, a one act drama available from Brooklyn Publishers, for the use of auditions or drama class scene work.  Or, if you just like reading excerpts of plays, of course!

I am very fond of this play.  The title comes from a great song by Neutral Milk Hotel called In An Aeroplane Over the Sea.  I tried to write a play that would make people feel the way that song makes me feel. 

The play takes place in an Unnamed Country.  A Good Doctor from America has arrived to help people.  Unfortunately, the political climate is not very friendly toward Americans.  In particular, the Peacemaker hates all Americans.  In this scene, the Doctor has been arrested after a bombing in the streets.  He did not commit this act, but has been arrested for it.  Now, he must face the Interrogator.  The Interrogator is a pretty blond woman, who has VERY unorthodox methods of interrogation. 

If you want to read more of the play, or order it for a production, you can do so by CLICKING HERE.  If using this scene for classwork or audition purposes, please give the play and the writer (me, Bobby Keniston) credit, okay? 

So, without further ado, here's the scene:

Aeroplane Over the Sea – Page 15

 

SCENE THREE

SETTING: The Interrogation room. It is simply a room without

much light. There is a table with a chair behind it. About five feet

away from this table, there is another chair.

 

AT RISE: The DOCTOR is in the chair away from the desk. There is

a burlap bag over his head and his hands are bound. The

PEACEMAKER stands behind him with his club out. HE takes the

bag off the DOCTOR’s head. The DOCTOR gasps.

 

PEACEMAKER: Be ready, Doctor. The Chief Interrogator will be here in

a moment, and you will stand out of respect. Is that understood?

DOCTOR: Yes.

PEACEMAKER: Good. (HE calls out) The American is ready!

(PEACEMAKER roughly pulls the DOCTOR to his feet. The

INTERROGATOR enters. SHE is blonde, pretty, wearing an American-style

businesswoman suit with a skirt. SHE carries a clipboard/folder

that SHE sets on the table. SHE has a big smile as SHE faces the

DOCTOR. SHE crosses to him. When SHE speaks, SHE sounds

American, no different than the DOCTOR in syntax or accent.)

 

INTERROGATOR: The Good Doctor! Such a pleasure to meet you.

Out of respect, I will give you the highest greeting we possess in thiscountry. (SHE leans in kisses the DOCTOR’s left cheek and then his
right.) Are you comfortable, Doctor? Peacemaker, you may free his
hands. I don’t think the Doctor is going to give us any danger, are
you?

(PEACEMAKER frees the DOCTOR’s hands.)

You may sit, doctor, take a load off, as they say. You’ll pardon me if

I walk around a bit. I’ve been sitting all day.

(The PEACEMAKER pushes the DOCTOR roughly into the chair.)

Now, Peacemaker no need to be so rough. I’m sorry, Doctor, but the

poor Peacemaker has such a stressful job. I’m afraid it has madehim a bit of a sourpuss. (Playful) You are much younger than I
expected, Doctor! I’m happy to have you hear. It gives me an
opportunity to speak in a manner I became accustomed to when I
was living in America. (The DOCTOR reacts.)

Aeroplane Over the Sea – Page 16

Are you surprised? It’s true, I lived all over America… Los Angeles,

Texas, Detroit, and even some time in New York City. I’m quite fond
of America, really.

DOCTOR: (With a hint of rancor) But not Americans, I take it?

INTERROGATOR: Nothing could be further from the truth! I have
nothing but the highest respect for Americans, particularly those in
the medical field. No, Doctor, I have nothing against Americans.
After all, I once imagined I might become one. My problem is with
terrorists.

DOCTOR: Then you should have no problem with me.

INTERROGATOR: That is what we’re here to figure out. Isn’t this some

situation we find ourselves in together? Perhaps had we met when I
was in your country under different circumstances, we might have
been friends. So why don’t we try being friends now.

DOCTOR: You want to be my friend?

INTERROGATOR: At the very least, friendly acquaintances. After all, I

have job to do, and you can’t fault someone for doing their job, now
can you? Especially when the job is trying to put an end to violence
in the streets.

DOCTOR: I came here to help people.

INTERROGATOR: I have no doubt. And what more noble purpose is

there than that? (SHE leans over and points to a place on her leg)

This here, Doctor. Do you see this spot on my leg? I’ve been
wondering if I should have it looked at or not? Can you see it?Should I be concerned? (Slight pause) Don’t be shy, Doctor.
Please, do me this personal favor.
 

(The DOCTOR leans over and takes a quick look at her leg, and then

sits back up.)

DOCTOR: It looks like a freckle.

INTERROGATOR: A freckle? A simple freckle? Are you sure?

DOCTOR: I believe so. It’s impossible to say for certain in this light, but

I am fairly sure it is a simple freckle.

INTERROGATOR: What a relief! How about that, Doctor? You came

here to help people, and you’ve already helped me. You’ve
accomplished your goal. Congratulations.

DOCTOR: Don’t mention it.

INTERROGATOR: How much do I owe you? An arm and a leg? (SHE

laughs) Don’t you enjoy expressions that employ body parts for
imagery? An arm and a leg, give you ahand, have a heart, off with
his head… although, that last one is moreof a French expressionthan American, isn’t it? Off with his head. (SHE smiles) Would you

Aeroplane Over the Sea – Page 17

like a drink of water, Doctor? Perhaps some Coca-Cola? Americans

love Coca-Cola, don’t you?

DOCTOR: I’m fine, thank you.

INTERROGATOR: Such nice manners. Tell me, do I remind you of your

dead wife? She had blonde hair, didn’t she? I’ve seen her picture.
It’s right here in the file. So pretty, your dead wife. Tell me about
her.

DOCTOR: No.

INTERROGATOR: I beg your pardon?

DOCTOR: I will not discuss my wife with you.

INTERROGATOR: (playfully pouty) Oh, but why? I would love to hear

about her… what her secret was for capturing your heart!

DOCTOR: Some things belong to me, and only to me.

(The PEACEMAKER hits him open-handed across the back of the head.)

INTERROGATOR: Now, Peacemaker, let’s be civil.

PEACEMAKER: I’m sorry, Chief Interrogator.

INTERROGATOR: If the Good Doctor does not wish to tell me about his

wife, I won’t be crude enough to pry. (to the DOCTOR) I see you

can be very strong-willed. While I find that an admirable quality in a
person, it makes my job a bit more difficult.

DOCTOR: Sorry.

INTERROGATOR: (dismissive wave of the hand) No need to apologize,

Good Doctor. (slight beat) Everyone can be broken. Are you sure
you wouldn’t like a glass of water?

DOCTOR: No. Thank you.

INTERROGATOR: As you wish. (SHE looks into the folder for a

moment) You’ve worked hard all of your life, haven’t you Doctor?
Jumping from home to home growing up. It says here that you even
paid your own way through college. That is quite an achievement.

DOCTOR: I suppose.

INTERROGATOR: You worked for a construction company during your

college breaks, didn’t you? That’s not easy labor. You know how to
really work.

DOCTOR: Being a Doctor is real work.

INTERROGATOR: Of course it is, but let’s not pick nitties, Doctor. I

believe you know what I mean. I’m talking about the difference
between an educated man and unskilled labor.

DOCTOR: I would not describe my construction work as unskilled.

INTERROGATOR: No? What area of construction did you work in,

Doctor? (SHE smiles a very big smile) What skills did you develop

while working construction?
 

Aeroplane Over the Sea – Page 18

(The DOCTOR says nothing. The INTERROGATOR looks at the

PEACEMAKER and gives him a slight nod. The PEACEMAKER grabs

the DOCTOR by his hair and pulls his head back. HE takes his club and

places it across the DOCTOR’s neck, choking him. After a moment, the

INTERROGATOR holds up her hand and the PEACEMAKER stops.)

Peacemaker, what am I going to do with you? Tch, tch, tch. So

rough. How is the Doctor going to answer my questions if he can’tbreathe? (back to the DOCTOR) Let’s see here. (looking at file)
Apparently you worked with the demolition department in your
construction job. Would it be safe to say you learned a great deal
about explosives in that line of work?

DOCTOR: I was never in charge of…

 

INTERROGATOR: (cutting him off) The question was not about being in

charge. The question, good sir, was whether you learned about

explosives.

DOCTOR: Working in the demolition department taught me a small

amount about explosives in regards to their purpose with
construction sites, but…

INTERROGATOR: Thank you, Doctor. It is so much easier this way

when you cooperate, isn’t it? (beat) Did you cry when your wife

died?

(No response)

You must have. I would guess you cried buckets and buckets. Her

dying like that, leaving you all alone. Your unborn daughter dying
with her. It must have been quite a waterfall of tears, never being
able to hold your child. Did you resent the doctors who let them die?
 

DOCTOR: (fierce) Shut up.

INTERROGATOR: Or did you rage against the Universe itself? Are you
an angry man, Doctor?

DOCTOR: No. I am not.

INTERROGATOR: Not even when those you called friends

disappeared? Those same friends who always secretly wondered to
themselves after a dinner party, ‘what does she see in him? Nice
enough guy, sure, but why him? What’s his secret? How did he get
her?’

DOCTOR: My wife loved me.

INTERROGATOR: Of course. But it’s true your friends all disappeared,

isn’t it? Perhaps they couldn’t understand why it had to be her who
died and not you. Have you ever wondered that? Have you ever
wished it was you who died, Doctor?

DOCTOR: (quietly) Yes.

Aeroplane Over the Sea – Page 19

INTERROGATOR: (with faux sympathy) Perfectly natural. To blame

yourself. (beat) After such an emotional trauma, many might wish to
have revenge. Retribution. Is that why you came here? To find
your revenge?

(No response.)

I’m trying to help you.

DOCTOR: Help me how?

INTERROGATOR: Why, to help you clear your conscience of course.

To help you save your soul.

DOCTOR: From what I understand, there have been bombings here

long before I ever arrived. Some group that calls themselves the
Resistance…
 

INTERROGATOR: (snapping a little) That’s enough! (composing

herself) The idea of any “resistance” is a nothing but a fairy tale. And
it suggests, Doctor, that our people are not happy here. Suchsuggestions are not very polite. (beat) Violence in our country
comes from outsiders. And you, sir, are an outsider.

DOCTOR: I’ve done nothing wrong.

INTERROGATOR: If you say so. (SHE sighs) I suppose that is enough

for now. You will be our guest here, Doctor, until we decide your

case. I thank you for diagnosing my freckle. We’ll talk again
tomorrow. Perhaps you shall find me prettier then.
 

(SHE leans over and kisses the DOCTOR on his left cheek and then his

right cheek. SHE stands, looks at the PEACEMAKER and nods. The

PEACEMAKER puts the burlap bag back on the DOCTOR’s head.

Blackout.)  Again, you can order the play by CLICKING HERE.  I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from what I consider to be a fairy tale for older audiences.

Until next time, always be braking your legs, and remember--- theater is a sport.

FREE SCENE EXCERPT FOR 2 FEMALES from "BETTY LOU TWINKLE'S TABLOID SCANDAL"

Cover of my Script, from Brooklyn Publishers

Here's a free scene from my play Betty Lou Twinkle's Tabloid Scandal.  This play is available from Brooklyn Publishers, and can be ordered by CLICKING HERE. 

This is a scene for two actresses.  One, is Betty Lou, our heroine, a teenage girl who wants to be normal.  The other is Darlene, her mother, a VERY overbearing stage mother, who has pushed Betty Lou into show business ever since she was a contestant on "Divas in Diapers".  This is a very satirical piece, and a whole lot of fun!  Have fun reading it, and feel free to use it for audition or classwork purposes, just make sure you tell everyone the name of the play, and the author (yours truly, Bobby Keniston). 

 SCENE ONE


SETTING: Backstage of the reality show, "America’s Future One-Hit Wonders."

AT RISE: BETTY LOU TWINKLE, 15 is looking into a mirror. She doesn’t like her outfit, mainly because it doesn’t cover as much of her as she would like. She is a pretty, sweet girl, who has been pushed around by her mother all of her life. She takes her midriff-bearing shirt and pulls it down, trying to stretch it past her belly button, and finally succeeds. When she is satisfied with this, she takes a seat in front of the mirror, looks around, and then takes a photograph from her pocket and looks at it.
BETTY LOU: Oh, Catboy, I wish you were here right now. In a world like this, you’re the only normal person I know. And you’re part cat. What does that say about society?

Suddenly, DARLENE ROSEPETTLE enters. She is a force of nature. She carries a small suitcase that contains assorted makeup.
DARLENE: Who are you talking to?

BETTY LOU, startled, quickly stashes the photo in her pocket.
BETTY LOU: Hi mom!

DARLENE: Are you hiding something from me?

BETTY LOU: Of course not. I was just talking to myself in the mirror, trying to psyche myself up for tonight.

DARLENE: (After inspecting her a moment.) And just where is your belly button?

BETTY LOU: (Trying to joke.) Same place as everybody’s!

DARLENE: I see. You’re startin’ in early with the sass today. Why are you hiding your navel?

BETTY LOU: I’m not…

DARLENE: What do I always say?

BETTY LOU: Mom…

DARLENE: What do I always say?

BETTY LOU: (Sighing.) "A teenage girl’s belly button on display, helps make her a star in every way."

DARLENE: That’s right! You know how important tonight is! Once you win "America’s Future One-Hit Wonders," you can wear a sweater for all I care. (Beat.) Well, maybe for a day or two, and not in public. But if we’re going to win this competition tonight, we’ve got to give them some skin, sugar.

BETTY LOU: But it makes me uncomfortable!

DARLENE: You want to discuss discomfort? Try being in labor for four and a half hours!

BETTY LOU: I know, but…

DARLENE: No buts! Look, my little peachy-bear, we’ve made it through thirteen weeks of the show, we’re in the top two, and tonight, we are one step closer to our dream of being the most famous singer in the world!

BETTY LOU: But that’s not my dream.

DARLENE: Of course it is! I happen to remember a little girl who told me she wanted to be the biggest star who ever lived!

BETTY LOU: I was only four! And you had just asked me if I wanted to be the biggest star who ever lived.

DARLENE: Don’t you dare pretend that you haven’t wanted this, Miss Betty Lou Twinkle!

BETTY LOU: That’s not even my real name.

DARLENE: We’ve been using that name ever since you were a contestant on "Divas in Diapers"! I don’t have to tell you that people won’t want to listen to music by someone named Elizabeth Korsinski-Brattwurst. Why do you think I changed my last name to Rosepettle after your daddy did the world a favor and croaked?

BETTY LOU: But mom, I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to be in front of the camera, I don’t want to pretend I’m happy when I’m not, I don’t want a fake name. I just want to be me. I want to have a normal life. I want to hang out with Ca… (Beat.) I want to play soccer.


There is a long pause.
 DARLENE: I should wash your mouth out with soap!

BETTY LOU: Mom…

DARLENE: You get to sing and flaunt your goods in front of millions of viewers, and you’d rather be out on some field kicking a ball around? I have worked long and hard for your career…

BETTY LOU: I know, I know. But don’t you care what I want? Doesn’t the fact that I’m your daughter mean anything?

DARLENE: Sweetie-britches, I know it’s hard for you to understand, but I’m your agent first, and your mother second. Now let’s fix your make-up, okay?

BETTY LOU: Fine.

DARLENE: That’s my little twinkly star!


DARLENE opens the suitcase which has tons of make-up. BETTY LOU sits down, and DARLENE starts applying make-up to her.
BETTY LOU: Mom? Can I ask you something?

DARLENE: Of course.

BETTY LOU: Will you still love me if I don’t win the competition tonight?

DARLENE: What a thing to say?! I know you’re going to win tonight!

BETTY LOU: Yeah, but… what if I don’t? Will you still love me?

DARLENE: Now, Betty Lou, I am shocked that you even have to ask! I am your Mother! I love you no matter what!

BETTY LOU: I’m happy to hear you say that. Thank you.

Beat.
DARLENE: It’s just that I love you even more when you win things. (BETTY LOU reacts.) Look, you can’t fault me for that. It’s human nature. People like winners. I’m allowed to be human, right?

BETTY LOU: (Tired.) Yeah.

DARLENE: That’s a good girl. Now, remember when you perform tonight, I want you to flirt with the judges.

BETTY LOU: Come on.

DARLENE: Now, none of that, missy. What have I told you since you were eight?

BETTY LOU: (By rote.) "Flirting’s never been a sin, especially when you want to win."

DARLENE: That’s right! Especially make eyes at that Tyler Ramone, maybe even sit in his lap.

BETTY LOU: I am not sitting in Tyler’s lap!

DARLENE: And just why not? He used to be one of the biggest rock star heartthrobs in the world!

BETTY LOU: 3 years ago! A lifetime in this industry! Now he looks like a long-haired piece of leather, and smells like wet cigarette butts.

DARLENE: That may be so, but he likes you. You need to take advantage of that.

BETTY LOU: He’s a creeper.

DARLENE: Honestly, Betty Lou, I’m not asking you to marry him! Or even take him to the prom! Just give him a smile and a wink or two.

BETTY LOU: Fine. But I’m not going to touch him.

DARLENE: I ask you to do one thing, one thing! Is it really so much to ask that you win this competition, so you can buy me a big house and provide for me in my autumn years? I have sacrificed my life for you, I flushed my own dreams down the toilet! Is it so much to ask that you sit in a has-been poseur’s lap?

She finishes with the make-up and storms a few steps away, sulking.
BETTY LOU: Are you saying that you’re sorry you had me?

DARLENE: (Turning to face her.) No! I’m just saying that after all I’ve given up, it shouldn’t be such a chore to let me live vicariously through you. That is the natural order of things, you know. (She turns away, in tears, her voice breaking on the following: .) I… just…just…wanted you to have…ev…everything…I… I… NEVER HAD! (She begins "sobbing" and turns away from her daughter.) Like your own bikini calendar and reality show!

BETTY LOU watches her mother’s display of "emotion" for a moment, then crosses to her and puts a hand on her back.
BETTY LOU: Don’t cry, mom. It will make your mascara run. (Beat.) I mean it, stop crying. (Beat.) I’ll do what it takes to win tonight, all right?

Immediately, DARLENE spins around with a big smile on her face.
 DARLENE: Now that’s my little deep-fried pickle! Now, you’ve got the new song I wrote for you memorized, right? It’s a guaranteed winner!

BETTY LOU: Actually, since you’ve brought it up, I wanted to talk to you about changing some of the lyrics.

DARLENE: (Immediately suspicious.) Oh?

BETTY LOU: Now don’t get upset. I’m doing what you asked me, so I think you can at least consider doing something for me.

DARLENE: (Barely concealed seething behind a smile.) And what lyrics are you having trouble with, dear?

BETTY LOU: Well, mom… it’s not that the song is bad… I just don’t think it sets a very good example for girls my age.

DARLENE: Why would you say that?

BETTY LOU: Well, for example… (Reciting.) "Come on baby, let me show my love is real, my mamma won’t mind if you cop a feel." I just don’t feel comfortable projecting that kind of image.

DARLENE: It’s a dance song! Besides, if you cut that line, the title doesn’t make sense! If a song is called "My Mamma Won’t Mind if You Cop a Feel" you’ve got to have that phrase in the lyrics somewhere, or people won’t be able to follow. And, that’s a perfect part in the song for you to give Tyler a little wink!

BETTY LOU: I don’t want to be a bad role model…

DARLENE: Sugar-bean, good role models don’t sell records. What do I always tell you?

BETTY LOU: I know, but…

DARLENE: What do I always tell you?

BETTY LOU: (Reciting.) "A good girl’s career will hit a slump, unless she learns to shake her rump."

DARLENE: Very good, my precious plum! Now that that nonsense is out of the way, I better scoot. The camera crew needs to do the pre-interview before you sing! I’ll be right out in the front row, holdin’ up my sign!

BETTY LOU: Okay.

DARLENE: Remember… eyes and teeth, eyes and teeth!

BETTY LOU: Yeah, I know.

DARLENE: Kisses! (She puckers and makes a few kissing noises in the air, then exits.)

BETTY LOU turns around to the mirror. She looks very weary and sad. Suddenly, she puts on a big smile. She is startled by how phony, yet real it looks. She goes back to looking sad, then immediately smiles again. She sighs, and returns to looking weary. She takes the photo of Catboy out of her pocket, strokes it lovingly, then replaces it in her pocket and looks in the mirror.
BETTY LOU: All right, Betty Lou. Time to go twinkle.

Blackout. End of scene.


All right!  Thanks for reading, and, if you work on it, I hope you have fun!  Just remember to give me credit, and, if you want to put the play on, you can order it through Brooklyn Publishers by CLICKING HERE!

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